I feel like I am sitting in a room with 10 different doors each that lead to something completely different. I am too indecisive to choose the doorway that I feel is best. 

.

I feel as if I am no longer capable of having feelings or forming feelings for another man. I already had my doubts of having a successful relationship before my most recent ex boyfriend, but then after him the feelings of doubt came back ten times as hard. Thinking that maybe if i did give it another try, nothing will happen, & i won't get hurt. Sure enough I was extremely wrong and got thrown away as if I was less than nothing. Now i sit here with this disgusting taste in my mouth towards any guy. And I truly know that not all of them are like some of the ones I have dated and been with, but having such terrible experiences and being extremely hurt makes you feel as if you really are alone.

everything changes when all your friends get boyfriends..

Outfit Of The Day . June 14th .

Minaj Love.

I love this girl <3

GIVEAWAY (:

Enter to win my lux addiction giveaway ! (:

Highlighting/lowlighting your extensions & hair.

My Newest video (: 

So today at work I had a very attractive man ask me for my number. Of course we had a conversation at first and he had asked if I had a boyfriend, and even though I don't, my first instinct was to say that I do. Not because I have forgotten that i'm single, but because I didn't feel the want to actually start talking to this guy; even though I have every reason to meet someone new. I was actually going to turn this guy down, and I don't even know why. 

I did end up giving him my number after thinking about it for a split second, just because, what harm could it actually do? Maybe my problem is that i'm afraid of commitment. Or maybe i'm completely turned off by dating because of previous failed relationships. 

Whatever it is, I sure hope it passes. I don't want to have doubts towards men all my life. I want to WANT to meet new people, not have to convince myself that its okay. 

And at the end of the day I still wonder. Why did this guy want MY number? How could I have stood out today? I definitely didn't look my best. My hair was in a beach-waved ponytail, and I was just wearing jeans and a sweater. Yet he still continued to say I was gorgeous. I truly do not understand. I just want to have normal feelings toward dating and relationships sometime soon. 

lessons learned.

i don't know how to feel anymore. i was doing very good at getting over him and moving on. but then he'll come to my work and we'll have a conversation. it doesn't even have to be a good conversation, but it feels so warming to actually be talking. i now realize that he is free to do whatever he pleases, as am i. but it bothers me so much. i don't think i love him anymore. i know what bad he has done. it just really hurts to think about what we used to have, and now its all gone. when i do remember how good it felt to be together, i get this beautiful feeling inside; almost like the feeling of when your singing and you hit that perfect note and its heaven to your ears. thats how my heart feels when i remember our relationship together. at the same time, it hurts so much.
deep down i know i will be okay. he was my first love, and these feelings are always going to be there. i am learning to not look so negatively at this breakup, and be happy for what we did have. we learned so much from eachother. and it is just going to ready us for our next relationships. i now know what to not look for. there was no trust in our relationship, and that is the most important thing.
i do remember how good it felt to fall in love with him though. probably one of the best feelings i have ever had. i do want this feeling again, and i really hope he's wrong when he told me i will never ever get it with anyone else. i want to fall in love again. i want to get the butterflies in my tummy, and the wonderful nervous but excited feeling. i want to feel the need to only be with that one person, and not even care about what else is happening in the universe.
i am so scared that i will not ever get these feelings again.

time will tell.

Based on everything i have witnessed in these past few months, it looks like it is going to be difficult in the future to find that "perfect guy". so many guys out there are only looking for a good time with girls, and only care about getting laid. if you have sex with them, it doesn't mean anything. in fact, they'll probably just pretend it never happened. or you'll be in a relationship with them; next thing you know, they go have sex with another girl. i am not saying girls are innocent in this situation, because they clearly are not. younger and younger generations of teenagers are losing their virginity. and i can honestly say that it disgusts me. whatever happened to waiting until marriage? or having self respect? now its, "oh yeaaah, i fucked that dude last night". girls are getting sluttier, and guys are turning into bigger pieces of shit. need to get laid? just go to your local bar. problem solved.

and with this world that we live in now, how is it ever going to be possible to actually find a decent person to be with for the rest of your life? the ones that aren't pigs, are douchebags that disrespect your parents. or try to control you.

i guess the only thing to say is that only time will tell. they will come along when the time is right. hopefully?

youtube!

heey everyone (:

please check out my youtube channel!

its about makeup, beauty and girly things (:

http://www.youtube.com/user/Shelby677

heeey everyone (:

i know that not many people view my blogs, but i am okay with that. because from looking at my previous ones from years ago, i seem kind of fucked up. i honestly do not know what was going through my head. anyway, i am very different now! i do not obsess over my weight, or looking skinny. in fact, i love food! and i don't plan on ever starving myself to lose weight again. if i want to diet, i'll do it the proper way. by healthy food, and exersize (:

Here I Am.

Health.

Healthy Diet

So im on this little diet just to get back in shape for gr 9.
Right now im about 115 pounds and im 5 foot 3 inches.

Every Tuesday my mom measures my waist, hips, upperarms, chest,
calfs and thighs to see the difference ive changed in a week.
I have cut out allmy snacks and if i do find myself hungry in between meals,
i munch on fruit and veggies.

For hamburgers, scince my mom makes that alot, ive decided to switch to veggie burgers.
Im not going vegiterian because i know i would never be able to cut out chicken and stake.
To me, i dont really notice a difference in taste between real burgers and veggie burgers.

I started my diet last tuesday on July24 2007. I will measure myself again on July 31 2007.
Right now my measurments are:
Date: July 24 2007 Tuesday 12:20pm
Waist: 27 3/4 inches
Hips: 37 inches
Thighs: 19 1/2 inches
Calfs: 12 1/2 inches
Upperarms: 10 inches
wrists: 5 3/4 inches
Chest: 34 3/4inches
Weight: 115 pounds

Goal: 105 pounds by end of summer

I do a simple kind of exercise everyday.
I lay on the ground with my knees pointing to the ceiling and raise my butt up and down, 30 times, twice a day. I know this sounds and looks funny, but it works!

On tuesday, July 31 i will come back with my next measurments.

Shelby

I love

Things I Love

1. Having fun with friends
2. Walking around town with friends
3. camping at lakes
4. camping out in own backyard
5. 
   
6. Shopping
7. Haircuts
8. Tanning Salons
9. Eating(cant eat much now.ON DIET)
10. Boys that treat you so good(ones that arnt fake)
11. Life in the summer(SO relaxing)
12. sleepovers with friends
13. The thought of moving
14. Rasberries
15. Myspace
16. Music
17. The house we might be moving to
18. My clothing style lol
19. My family
20. My pets
21. Tenting
22. Campfires
23. roasting marshmellows with friends
24. horsebackriding (havnt done it in a while)

The Move

Well turns out i am leaving this dirty hoe bag town, Spruce Grove.

I hate it here. My sisters counsellar says it is the worst place for bullying.

Its worse than edmonton apparently.

But i am moving to BC.

To this little town called 100 mile house. I hope people are nice because i dont

want to not have friends. I mean a do have lots of friends here but its

always easier making friends when your younger and now i'll be going into gr 9.

So if someone knows what its like there please tell me.

I need to know if people my age are nice there.

By the way im 14.

Thanx,

Shelby

This is How i feel.

Things i hate

1. Pathetic loser boys who cry over stupidd things.
2. Liers
3. People who tell you somthing that you are looking forward too but then you find out its not even true.
4. People who wanna ask you out because all they care about is looks.
5. When people threaten to report your nexopia because you wont write a specific thing in my number 4 on this list.
6. People who say they hate you for stupid reasons.
7. Fucking Teachers who pick favorites.
8. When parents dont let you do what you want.
9. When you get in trouble for stupid stuff.
10. Second Languages.
11. Perferts.
12. Perfectionists.
13. Assholes.
14. When your friends are mad at you.
15. When you are pressered to do something and you cant say no.
16. When my ipods battery is dead.
17. Waking up early.
18. When rich people brag about themselves.
19. When friends say other people are rich but actually they're like not even close to being rich.
20. 
    
21. When people make fun of your looks.
22. When someone says somthing they dont mean.
23. 
    

What is love?