i don't know how to feel anymore. i was doing very good at getting over him and moving on. but then he'll come to my work and we'll have a conversation. it doesn't even have to be a good conversation, but it feels so warming to actually be talking. i now realize that he is free to do whatever he pleases, as am i. but it bothers me so much. i don't think i love him anymore. i know what bad he has done. it just really hurts to think about what we used to have, and now its all gone. when i do remember how good it felt to be together, i get this beautiful feeling inside; almost like the feeling of when your singing and you hit that perfect note and its heaven to your ears. thats how my heart feels when i remember our relationship together. at the same time, it hurts so much.
deep down i know i will be okay. he was my first love, and these feelings are always going to be there. i am learning to not look so negatively at this breakup, and be happy for what we did have. we learned so much from eachother. and it is just going to ready us for our next relationships. i now know what to not look for. there was no trust in our relationship, and that is the most important thing.
i do remember how good it felt to fall in love with him though. probably one of the best feelings i have ever had. i do want this feeling again, and i really hope he's wrong when he told me i will never ever get it with anyone else. i want to fall in love again. i want to get the butterflies in my tummy, and the wonderful nervous but excited feeling. i want to feel the need to only be with that one person, and not even care about what else is happening in the universe.
i am so scared that i will not ever get these feelings again.